Murphy's Law and my "Debut"

All is still quiet on the BBC front. At this stage it is a little concerning, given that I could potentially start a work-experience placement with them next Monday morning and yet I am still in Spain, not packed and with no flights booked.

It says on their website:

However, in further correspondence I have received, it says:

...which is a bit confusing! 

I, however, am choosing to remain optimistic and if I receive notification that I have been successful, I will be more than happy to run around like a headless chicken trying to tie up any loose ends here in Spain (closing bank accounts and cancelling mobile phone contracts etc) and hotfoot it back to the UK ready to start bright and early on Monday morning.

I have even been trying to tempt fate. They say that you can wait for an hour for a bus, and it is only when you light up a cigarette that it eventually arrives. Well, I went to the supermarket this morning and was hesitating over whether or not to buy an eight-pack of toilet rolls. (I know, the glamour of my life is astounding). I could either not buy any loo paper, positively assuming that I won't be here this time next week and make do with what I have, or stock up for the next month, and have surplus to wipe away my burning tears of disappointment (how dramatic!). In the end, I decided to throw caution to the wind, be a rebel and buy the multipack. If Murphy's/Sod's Law were ever going to come into action, it would be now. I can just imagine the conversation...

Head of the BBC: Good afternoon Miss. Mills, we have considered your application very carefully and would like to inform you that you have been successful.
Me: Oh... well, that's a pity. I would have loved to, but I can't. I've just bought an eight-pack of loo roll, and well, I'd hate to leave Spain before it was all used up... it's quilted, you see...

Ha! I bought it specifically hoping that Sod's Law would do me a favour for a change. I'll let you know if it works out.

In other news, I received a wonderful email from the people at The Debut Magazine saying that they are going to feature one of my blog posts (The Break-Up) in its next issue. I am extremely excited about it and it has really made my month. It's an online magazine which will hopefully go into print next year for "focussed, motivated and determined women interested in forging a career in the creative and media sector". If you haven't already, like it on Facebook and follow them on twitter, so you can see my article when it's up! :)

The end is nigh...

The nights are getting hotter and stickier, as are the days, creepy-crawlies are being found more frequently in the house and my ice-cream consumption has quadrupled in recent weeks, which can only mean one thing; summer is coming! (A wee wink to any Game of Thrones fans out there who may have recognised my not-so-veiled reference).

Indeed, as the days get longer and the temperatures reach stiflingly-hot highs of nearly 40 degrees, student numbers in classes tend to dwindle, despite the fact that the academy has powerful air-conditioning. Motivation levels simply melt away. It is at this time that people in Spain abandon academia to spend their days on the beach, and in all honesty, who can blame them? Who needs or wants to know about infinitives, phrasal verbs and prepositions when you have a tan to be topped up!

It does mean though that most of my classes are coming to an end and it is a bittersweet sensation. Though I haven't officially announced it yet, a select few know of my decision not to carry on teaching next year. Most of the reactions I have had have been extremely flattering, with them thanking me and telling me they will miss my classes, which tugs at my heartstrings and makes me want to stay. However, others have been a bit more selfish about the situation, saying things like "What about me? I finally find a teacher I like, and she leaves. Great, what am I going to do now?". While I sympathise with their situation, it feels a bit like they don't see me as a person, just as a teacher who is there to do a job. I am glad I have been able to help them, but there are other things that I want to do with my life - as you well know as a reader of this blog. I have a family I want to be near... I haven't lived in proximity to my relatives in about a decade, and I have a nephew on the way. My boyfriend is moving to the UK and it would be unbearable to be apart from him. I want to get into the BBC or journalism of some form. What's more is that I am excited and ready to move on, I just hope that with time they will be able to appreciate this.

So, I have started the process of saying my goodbyes to the friends, colleagues and students I have made over the past 3 years, which is never easy. Therefore, I let a song do it for me. Something that I always do in my final classes (for those with enough level) is play Baz Luhrmann's "Wear Sunscreen". It is a song that has helped and inspired me through many difficult moments in my life, and I feel that part of my duty as a teacher is to inspire others in return. So, I play the song and say that if they have learned nothing else from me at all during the course, then I at least hope they will take something away from this. I truly think the world would be a better place if we all learned to follow Baz's advice.

This may be the beginning of the end of one chapter, but it is the start of another one, and I'm ready to turn the page and start writing the next installment of my life.

Je suis une femme

As you do on a typically standard Sunday evening, I have decided to brush up on my French. I will forever be indebted to my high school for instilling my love of Spanish into me, but, unfortunately, the same cannot be said for French. Our class went through various teachers in mere months, which made any type of continuity extremely difficult. One teacher in particular divided us into "the good side" and "the bad side", according to behaviour, which was just screaming out for trouble. The "bad side" started living up to their name and before you knew it, the whole class had been sent out to wait on the corridor as punishment. I also distinctly remember studying "le petit déjeuner" for an entire term, before finally moving onto "mon glace", which is wonderfully useful for if I ever find myself stranded in Paris at breakfast time or perhaps mid-afternoon in spring/summer to enjoy a refreshing ice-cream, but pretty much useless for anything and everything else. Looking back, I probably should have done a joint degree at university and taken the opportunity to learn another language then. However, at the time my feeling was that it was better to be a master of one trade, rather than a jack of several and my negative experience of French was enough to put me off for life, or so I thought.

So, I say "brush up" but what I really mean is start from scratch. I have downloaded a free app onto my mobile and am learning such tidbits as "Je mange" (I am eating) and "Il a un enfant" (He has a child). You have to start somewhere, and as I always say to my students, start with the basics. If you know how to say "he has a child", but it isn't true, he actually has two rabbits and a parakeet, yet you don't have the vocabulary for this, then you should say "he has a child" and perfect the structure until you can substitute one thing for another. Don't try to be too ambitious at the very beginning.

This is something that I have realised for myself this week - sometimes we forget to take our own advice. I am being impatient on the job front. I am spending every waking minute that I have, (when not at work, obviously) focussing on applications and what I can do to improve my profile whilst constantly searching for entry-level positions. Being proactive is obviously a positive thing, but I think it can be taken too far. At the moment I am restricted geographically as to what I can do and it is making me anxious. I am in Spain until at least the end of June, but most likely until the end of July, and I feel that the job-hunt will be infinitely easier when I am based in the UK. (Being able to phone, or go door-to-door if needs be is invaluable... there's a lot to be said for face-to-face contact).

So, I have decided (mainly for my sanity) to take things with a bit more calm and patience for now. Obviously I won't give up on my media dream and I will keep my eye out for opportunities and keep applying, but, until I am in a better position to be proactive, I am going to keep myself busy with running, French and this blog of course! (Passport story coming soon...) It's all too easy to want everything now, (especially me, my mum once compared me to a rottweiler, saying that when I have an idea I will just not let it go) but patience is a virtue. I just have to trust that it will happen... soon, but not now.

Determined not to be deterred

In my last post, I wrote about the fact that I hadn't yet heard anything back from my applications. Well, now I have. As you can tell from the tone so far and the fact that this is not written in capital letters and accompanied by a million exclamation marks, it wasn't positive.

While I can't say the rejection was a complete surprise, there is always a small part of you that wants to believe that this time will be different. I may not have had all of the experience or knowledge that they were looking for, but I still believe I have a lot of potential and you always hope that someone will see enough in you to take a chance on you.

Still, it isn't the first time my application 'has been unsuccessful', and I am not naïve enough to think that it will be the last. Knockbacks are a part of the deal and I am qualified to say this as one of the world's foremost experts in resilience and tenacity.

Yes, while it isn't something I like to make public, (I don't go shouting it from the rooftops or anything), it's true that I failed my driving test several times. Without being too specific, when I say several, I mean several – more than a couple, more than a few, I-need-to-take-off-my-socks-to-count-how-many-times-I-failed-because-my-hands-just-aren't-enough kinda several.

Now, I don't want you to think I am a terrible driver because I'm not. (I heard you scoff after reading that.) But genuinely, I would just crumble under the pressure and it was a vicious cycle, the more times I failed, the more pressure I felt to perform the next time. After failing the first five times (I could even say the second five times... the fact that I can count them in scores is worrying!) people started to say to me things like “Don't worry, driving isn't for everyone... maybe it just isn't for you” and suggesting I save my time, money and further heartache by investing in a bus pass.

I, however, refused to give up as knew that I would get there in my own way and my own time. Funnily enough, the day of my exam, I was so convinced I was going to fail again (force of habit) that it took the pressure right off and that's when I passed. The whole experience was invaluable and actually, as strange as it may seem, I wouldn't sell my soul to the devil to change it to having passed first time. I can even say now that I flourish under pressure, like the time I argued my way out of Spain without a passport, but that's a story for another day.

So, if at first you don't succeed... try and try and try (and try and try and if necessary, try) again. If it's worth doing, it's worth the effort. I have one no for now from the BBC, but I still have two more things to hear back from. If they are negative too, well, as my boyfriend says “El 'no' ya lo tienes”, which means, you already have a “no” before you even try, so you might as well go for it because you won't lose anything.

Onwards and upwards! :)

Blogging basics and blogger's block

The thing about writing a successful blog is that it should have a theme; a clear narrative thread which neatly ties everything together and makes sense of all the entries, unifying them into an anthology of ideas and not just a collection of random waffle. For instance, if I were Carrie Bradshaw, I could write about an endless string of men (chance would be a fine thing!) and focus on my love of Manolo Blahniks. If I were a food critic, I could share mouth-watering recipes and reviews of swanky restaurants. If I were a One Direction nut, I could write about Zayn's dreamy eyes and how Harry Styles and I were going to be '2getha 4eva I.D.S.T' (If you don't know what those letters stand for, that means you were never a teenage girl). Hell, even if I were a nun I could blog about sermons and spreading the Lord's message. But I am not any of those people, I am me - an English teacher in Spain who wants to change and do something more.

So that was meant to be the basis of my blog, to document the ups-and-downs of that journey. But, what do you write about when the journey doesn't seem to be progressing? The blog still has to be updated and the show must go on. They say you can never go wrong if you write about what you know, but what happens when you have a quiet week and you don't know very much at all? I know the capital of New Zealand is Wellington, I know the names of the members of the Sugababes in their varying configurations, and if you put me in the Mastermind chair I could probably recite them in order according to chronological appearance. But it's not really relevant.

So, I am still in limbo, waiting to hear back from applications and thus have little to fill you in on on the work front. As my Grandma would say "What do you know - owt or nowt?" and at the moment, it would have to be nowt. Here's hoping they respond to me soon, or else I may have to start writing about something I do know... Spanish vocabulary, English grammar or the lyrics to the Fresh Prince rap. I should put that on my CV.