Determined not to be deterred

In my last post, I wrote about the fact that I hadn't yet heard anything back from my applications. Well, now I have. As you can tell from the tone so far and the fact that this is not written in capital letters and accompanied by a million exclamation marks, it wasn't positive.

While I can't say the rejection was a complete surprise, there is always a small part of you that wants to believe that this time will be different. I may not have had all of the experience or knowledge that they were looking for, but I still believe I have a lot of potential and you always hope that someone will see enough in you to take a chance on you.

Still, it isn't the first time my application 'has been unsuccessful', and I am not naïve enough to think that it will be the last. Knockbacks are a part of the deal and I am qualified to say this as one of the world's foremost experts in resilience and tenacity.

Yes, while it isn't something I like to make public, (I don't go shouting it from the rooftops or anything), it's true that I failed my driving test several times. Without being too specific, when I say several, I mean several – more than a couple, more than a few, I-need-to-take-off-my-socks-to-count-how-many-times-I-failed-because-my-hands-just-aren't-enough kinda several.

Now, I don't want you to think I am a terrible driver because I'm not. (I heard you scoff after reading that.) But genuinely, I would just crumble under the pressure and it was a vicious cycle, the more times I failed, the more pressure I felt to perform the next time. After failing the first five times (I could even say the second five times... the fact that I can count them in scores is worrying!) people started to say to me things like “Don't worry, driving isn't for everyone... maybe it just isn't for you” and suggesting I save my time, money and further heartache by investing in a bus pass.

I, however, refused to give up as knew that I would get there in my own way and my own time. Funnily enough, the day of my exam, I was so convinced I was going to fail again (force of habit) that it took the pressure right off and that's when I passed. The whole experience was invaluable and actually, as strange as it may seem, I wouldn't sell my soul to the devil to change it to having passed first time. I can even say now that I flourish under pressure, like the time I argued my way out of Spain without a passport, but that's a story for another day.

So, if at first you don't succeed... try and try and try (and try and try and if necessary, try) again. If it's worth doing, it's worth the effort. I have one no for now from the BBC, but I still have two more things to hear back from. If they are negative too, well, as my boyfriend says “El 'no' ya lo tienes”, which means, you already have a “no” before you even try, so you might as well go for it because you won't lose anything.

Onwards and upwards! :)